There is a misnomer when it comes to likeability. I believe that most people think of it as a popularity contest. In fact, we see this sort of popularity contest stuff play out all over social media when it comes to so-called influencers and those who overindulge in self-branding or self-promotion. The intention being to draw attention to themselves, starting with the likeability factor. While some may be easily influenced there are others who are independently subjective when it comes to who or what they like. 

So, how does someone become more likable? First off, sustained likeability is not something that is out there, it comes from within. If you want to become more likable, ask yourself the question, do you like people? And I’m not talking about people who see the world as you do. I’m talking about a non-judgmental liking that emanates from a desire to connect with others in a more meaningful way, an authentic way. As a rule, people who are typically the most likable don’t worry about being likable because it’s never about them. Instead, they spend their time and energy finding things they like about others. 

I remember going to a high school reunion one year where a rather introverted person referred to me as part of the popular crowd. I was shocked by the notion. For one thing, I would never want to be seen as belonging to a group where I was considered part of the in-crowd. How limiting is that idea? Very! So, while I laughed when she said it, I corrected her by explaining that’s not how I saw my high school experience at all. In fact, I was much more of a standalone independent type, but could effectively bridge with just about any group. Maybe, that’s what she picked up on. Who knows. 

I haven’t changed much in all these years. I still go out of my way to compel people who seem closed off to interact with me. I see it as sort of a connection challenge. Plus, it never ceases to amaze me how much I learn from these interactions. What’s great is that oftentimes the person is nothing like I thought. That’s one of the keys. Exposing yourself to a variety of personality types, allowing us to learn, grow, and inevitably become more. And what completes and expands this interactive circle is making a point of remembering what you have learned and then sharing it with others or mirroring it back to the individual who shared the information to begin with, allowing you to deepen your connection with them. Also, when you openly share, do it with zeal and passion. This will naturally cause people like you